Rebuild your desire with sensuality training
Sensuality training is a way of finding your way back to closeness and desire. It can also de-dramatize nudity and help release you from the pressure to perform sexually. This method can be very helpful for erectile dysfunction or a lack of lubrication (wetness in the vagina on arousal). It is often recommended by sexual advisors.
The training essentially means having physical proximity with your partner without clothes (or with some clothes in the beginning). You introduce a sex ban for at least a month, so that you can both relax and concentrate on the physical experience of giving and receiving caresses.
It is important to set aside time several times a week, a few hours each time, and to plan together when the sensuality training is to take place. It may be a good idea to start with a shower, so that you both feel fresh. Privacy is important, without phones and other sources of interference. A good temperature and lighting in the room will make it easier to relax.
Sensuality training – how it works
Lie together on the bed for a while and relax. Decide in advance who will be the giver and receiver of the caresses. An appropriate time is about 15–30 minutes per person. The receiver lies on their stomach, and the giver strokes the entire body from top to bottom with moderate pressure – not tickling or giving a massage. Include all areas that can be caressed, and notice your own and your partner’s reaction. Change roles once the giver feels they are finished. Afterwards, talk about how it felt, both as the giver and receiver.
If you both felt comfortable and relaxed, one the next occasion you can lie on your back instead. If not, continue to lie on your stomach for a number of sessions until you feel relaxed. If you have not had that much physical contact, or have felt pressured by each other, you may need a number of sessions before proceeding to the next step.
The next step involves caressing the front of the body, but not the erogenous zones such as breasts and genital area. If the woman gets wet or the man gets an erection, this is only natural. Not having to act on these signals can help to de-dramatize things and reduce pressure.
When the caresses feel nice and relaxed, the next step also includes caressing the erogenous zones and genitals, but without leading to orgasm. The step following this includes orgasm, and the final step can even include full intercourse if you both wish. All steps start with slow, relaxed caresses all over the body, and end with a chat.
If after several sessions you do not feel comfortable with each other, it may be a signal that there are other problems in your relationship preventing you feeling desire. These should be resolved first. If you fall at the first hurdle, i.e. finding time or the sessions, it’s a clear sign that you need to review your priorities.
If on the other hand you have found a new desire and have appreciated your moments together, it may be a good idea to recreate them periodically. Being close and being caressed is a form of sexuality that’s undemanding and relaxing. If you like, you can turn the sensuality training into massage and possibly use oil. Belladot massage oils are available with different fragrances Fruity, Spicy Lavender and Sea Breeze. These should not be used with a condom or vibrator.