Libido- and no libido
Lust, desire or libido is something that varies throughout a life time, sometimes for no apparent reason. There are many ways to increase your libido – from dietary supplements and mental training to different sex toys. Why not try everything?
Libido or sex drive can be seen as a desire for sexual pleasure and intimacy. Libido is an inner sexual driving force, regardless of whether you have a partner or not. When you feel sexual desire, you focus on your own sex impulses and the body’s response to those impulses. If there is no possibility of physical pleasure and perhaps orgasm, you may feel frustrated.
Desire and libido also allow room for sexual dreams and fantasies. It may create interest in erotic material and paying extra attention to finding a sexual partner. With a new partner, libido is often front and centre – love is a great spice for one’s sex life.
Not feeling the desire
Different levels of desire and sex drive can be a problem in a relationship, if one partner feels that their libido is “more normal” than the other’s. Talking about it in a problem-solving manner and coming up with suggestions on how to deal with the differences usually help to resolve the issue. You can masturbate, help to satisfy your partner, and so on. However, it is important to remember that if a woman has intercourse without being sexually aroused, it may lead to genital pain which can then lead to more serious pain conditions such as vestibulitis and vaginismus.
Sex drive can vary with no direct cause. If you have no desire for sex over long periods, you may need to think about how your life is going. Reduced desire may be a sign that something is wrong in the relationship or in the life you live.
If you do not feel the desire for sex, you may either miss it or not. If not, you may be asexual, like about 1% of the population. It means either that you never want sexual activity, or you don’t want to have sex with a partner but still masturbate.
Reasons for reduced libido
There are a number of libido killers to look out for in a relationship. A life inventory can provide valuable information:
- Lifestyle: How do you divide time between work, leisure, family and sex life?
- Health: Does either of you have a disease? Do you use nicotine, alcohol, drugs? What about food, sleep and exercise?
- Relationship: Are there communication problems, anger, disappointment, demands and/or other negative factors?
- Sex: Is the sex routine and boring, the sex technique poor and/or the caressing technique insensitive?
- Inner feelings: Do you feel ashamed, is there any performance requirement or performance anxiety? Is there anything that prevents you from enjoying sex?
It is valuable for both you and your partner if you make a life inventory separately. Then you can discuss whether you need to change something in your lives. Alternatively, you may need the help of a family counsellor or sex counsellor to encourage positive discussion and find solutions that both of you are happy with.
If you can find no explanation in your life situation, the cause may be a physical problem such as hormone problems. If so, you need to seek help from a doctor. Many medications can adversely affect sex drive and ability, such as birth control pills, menopause medicine, antihistamines, blood pressure medication, painkillers, epilepsy inhibitors, anti-rheumatism and antidepressant drugs. Ask your doctor if your medicine could be affecting your sexual desire and ability.
To increase your libido
Sex aids are one way of increasing your libido. Belladot Matilda is a vibrating egg, which can act as couple’s toy. It can be used directly on the genitals, or held in the hand to add an extra dimension to your and your partner’s caresses. Belladot Hot & Cool Menthol is a gel that stimulates blood flow in the genitals while giving you a cool feeling on the surface.
A substance that can enhance both men’s and women’s sex drive is arginine, which is present in the body but decreases after the age of 40. It is available for purchase as a dietary supplement, for example L-Argiplex.
Sensuality training is a way of finding your way back to closeness and desire with your partner. It also helps in letting go of the requirement to perform sexually. In brief, this means that you have physical intimacy with your partner, with or without clothes and initially without intercourse. The purpose of sensuality training is to focus on the physical experience of giving and receiving caresses. Read more about Sensuality Training.
Find the desire on your own
You can also train by setting aside time for yourself. A moment of self-care. Begin with a relaxing shower and then make yourself comfortable in a warm room. You can give yourself sensual caresses on your entire body, and can even stimulate to orgasm, with or without aids. For women I recommend Belladot Sofia, a soft, bendy vibrator with a raised wave pattern for added enjoyment. You can also use it in the shower. A larger and more powerful vibrator is Belladot Ebba.
If you’re the kind of person who likes to feel good and find things that bring happiness to your life, you have a good foundation for finding desire and sensuality in your sex life.