Difficulty achieving orgasm – enjoy the help of good vibrations
There are some women who think that a “real” orgasm is the one that comes during intercourse, without the clitoris being stimulated. But the fact is, most women most easily achieve orgasm by clitoral stimulation. It’s also easier to achieve orgasm during intercourse if you practise on your own – and thus know what you enjoy. So if you do have difficulty achieving orgasm, you’re not alone!
An orgasm releases several relaxing, analgesic substances, such as oxytocin and endorphins, which make you feel good. Orgasm is something we all feel good about – but it’s not always easy to achieve. It is estimated that about 75% of all women need extra clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm during sexual intercourse. Vibrations often make it even easier. I recommend two vibrators for clitoral stimulation: Belladot Ingrid, a soft and flexible finger vibrator, and Belladot Ester, a small but powerful clitoral vibrator. You can switch between using a vibrator and bringing yourself to orgasm with your fingers. Bring your experience with you when you have sex with a partner, and have the courage to show them what you enjoy.
Stress and demands makes it hard to enjoy
Being relaxed is vital to getting turned on, allowing your vagina to become wet and swollen. If you have a demand on yourself that you should achieve orgasm, you’re not relaxed and often won’t come. A stressed life situation can produce similar problems. If you find it hard to let go of all the thoughts spinning around in your head and can’t focus on your body’s sexual sensations, you are unlikely to get really turned on and have an orgasm.
Women seeking help with orgasm have widely varying perceptions of exactly what a problem is. It could be anything from never having experienced an orgasm, to worry about not achieving orgasm while they’re with a partner. They may have an orgasm when they’re on their own, but not with anyone else. One problem may be that your partner feels like a failure when you don’t have an orgasm. Being able to put what you think and feel into words is very helpful. It’s not uncommon for women to be dissatisfied in their life with their partner, but find it hard to talk about. Instead they lose their desire for sex – and there goes the orgasm.
Explore your own sexuality
Try to get to know your body and your genitals when you’re alone. You can feel where it’s nice to be touched and what you can do to get excited. Fantasize freely about a situation that turns you on, or read erotic literature. Give yourself time and peace to explore yourself without the need for an orgasm. Eventually, you may long for an outlet for all the sexual tension in your body.
Pelvic floor exercises for increased pleasure
Well-trained pelvic floor muscles provide the right conditions for stronger and more pleasant orgasms. Train by squeezing and lifting the pelvic floor muscles as much as possible, hold for a few seconds and relax for 10 seconds. Repeat for a few minutes and do this a few times a day. Feel free to use Belladot Britt pelvic floor trainers. They facilitate exercise because they make it easier to find the right muscles. The first time the balls are used, it’s easiest to lay down. Lubricant makes them easier to insert and prevents irritation of the vagina.
Orgasm during intercourse alone?
There are women who achieve orgasm without clitoral stimulation. How the genitals are designed plays a part in how orgasm is achieved. How the vulva (outer genitalia) is constructed, what the clitoris looks like and where it is placed are other factors. The visible part of the clitoris is like a “button” where the inner lips labia meet, but a clitoris has branches and nerve threads that can reach right down to the inner thighs.
About 10% of all women never achieve orgasm, either with a partner or by masturbating, but they can still enjoy caresses, closeness and intimacy with a partner. Among the remaining 90%, there are women who always have an orgasm, and those who have had only a few orgasms.
If you take medication for high blood pressure, depression, Parkinson’s or rheumatism, this could affect your ability to achieve orgasm. Injury of the spinal cord and central nervous system can also make it harder to achieve. If you have experienced violence during sex or learned as a child that sex is bad, you may carry experiences that make it harder for you to enjoy sex and achieve orgasm.
Do not hesitate to contact a gynaecologist, midwife or sexologist if you would like more information and help in finding your libido and ability to achieve orgasm.